Friday, October 26, 2007


So it is...about 12:45 right now. I can never get to sleep anymore. But it isn't like I'm doing anything useful either. I'm just on a messed up schedule. I guess my caffeine intake is probably not helping either. Lately I've been going most of the day without caffeine, but I end up with a nasty awful headache in the late afternoon so then I break down and have a Pepsi or two at dinner and then I feel better. But here I am, shiftless and sleepless.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007


My baby likes to play the kazoo. He's 6 months old. He rocks!

Saturday, October 6, 2007

I got tickets to the Sprint center....

(sing it to the tune of "Friends in Low Places" lol)

This is so outrageous! I've been saying for a few years now that Garth Brooks was the concert experience of a lifetime that I missed out on.
Apparently everybody else in town missed out on it too. He sold out NINE nights in KC.
Completely insane.
I'd like to get me a piece of that action.
We're going on November 8th.
I've got 6 tickets for the 9th that I will sell.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


Blegh. I hate feeling like this, so disconnected from people who I thought were our friends. I guess sometimes people just grow apart over time but it is so weird.
It really makes me second-guess how I act and how much I trust people. Just recently I've really become aware that these two guys (men really) have been withdrawing from our company and even lying to us to keep us at a distance from their "real" lives. One has had a girlfriend for a few months and I heard the other just started dating someone which might explain why we haven't seen him for several weeks.
The thing is, Riley is really really attached to these two guys. She's not a baby, and separation really depresses her. She will ask me to call them for her, and ask why they aren't coming over, and cry because she misses them. She even calls one of them uncle, he was friends with Brian for years before I even knew Brian.
It breaks my heart that she will cry for these people who I let into her life, who I facilitated her attachment to, and they just don't have time for her anymore and they obviously just don't care. If they could just stop by occasionally and visit her for an hour! And I mean, actually visit her and play with her, not just stand in the garage and talk to Brian for a minute or work on a motor and then bail out because they've got "stuff to do".
How do I deal with this, as a mom? How do I know who to trust? Who isn't going to hurt my little girl's feelings?

My favorite time of year

It's day 2 of open-window weather for us and I'm in heaven. I love cool fall nights and crisp cloudy days and apple time and pumpkin time and making soup and bread and blankets on the bed and wearing socks and sweaters and making Halloween costumes, and all of it. EVERYTHING! September and October (and sometimes parts of November) are when I'm usually happiest.

Yay for seasons!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

In pursuit of JOY

I just keep telling myself I MUST get there.

My first therapy/counseling appointment is tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

What do you know???

Or maybe what do you not know? I've been tagged by The Rogue Midwife to make a list of 8 things about me and then pass it on.

Here are the rules for being tagged:
RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag six people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

Ok here we go,

1. I am a...foodophile? a poor-man's foodie? I have yet to come up with a good name for it yet. But I really love to eat and prepare and talk about food, and have way too much of an attachment to eating and tend to eat more than I should. BUT I am not an adventurous eater and any true foodie would turn up their nose and laugh at me and I know it. But I love restaurants, even junk ones like Golden Corral and Applebee's. (But never McDonald's) I would go out to eat every day if I could. I love the experience of eating a meal. I love junk food, including and especially Coke AND Pepsi. I don't know how I'm ever going to stick to a healthy diet. (Don't get the impression I'm trying now, I'm not)

2. I'm a phobic, anxiety-ridden worrywart, and I'm sick of it and I'm doing something about it. I made my first call to a psychologist/therapist practice today. They weren't open and I had to leave a message, but I called.

3. I am not opposed to cosmetic surgery for myself and if/when I have the funds (and the Valiums) I will have laser eye surgery, laser hair removal, porcelain veneers on my teeth, and possibly more, maybe something like this.

4. I hate my house. I hate most houses on the market in our area. I want the room and simplicity of a farm house without living out on a farm with all the wild animals and evil nasty bugs.

5. I love baths and one of my biggest dreams is to have a bathtub big enough for my whole family to bathe together. Like this one. Yes, that is over 6 feet wide and two feet deep. I'm serious about bathtubs. If ever won the lottery, this would be the first thing I'd order.

6. I want a dog like this. But instead I live with a dog like this.

7. I love love love tattoos and will be a body of walking art someday. I want to have my whole back done.

8. I didn't have a wedding and I'm wistful and envious of the whole crazed multi-billion dollar wedding industry, even though I know deep down that it is foolish and frivolous and consumerist and wasteful. I still greedily, selfishly wish I could have done it. But I probably never will. And I don't have the kind of family who would be involved in that kind of thing, or any friends to be wedding attendants. So my reality would never turn out like those dream weddings. But oh, they do looks so dreamy. (This is all my point of view from magazine, TV, and online. I've never been to a real wedding-y wedding. Just a couple backyard bbq things and a union at the courthouse. Never been to a dinner-and-dancing, throwing the bouquet, full-out lavish affair)

I tag Jen, Jaime, Kara, Aimee, Sarah, and Deanna. Sorry to all if you have done this before, just do it again, it is fun!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

A lot of cute kids

and a little taste of Harry and the Potters. We went to their concert at the library last night, and I tried so hard to get good pictures. HOWEVER, someone whose camera I used, did not email me the pictures that I said I wanted copies of. Ahem, ahem, JESSI! So you'll have to wait to get the whole picture, but I do have a few.

Ok, oops, I loaded all those pictures on the left for some reason

Long overdue, all the Harry Potter you can handle...

It's been over a month now, but because I don't have my own camera right now (and I'm kinda lazy) I am way behind on getting pictures online.
First, from the midnight showing of OOtP, we don't have much, but check out Robby sleeping in Aunt Jessi's arms and wearing a mini wizard hat! They did this to him when I went to get a drink...
And we had Riley's impersonation of a Death Eater before we left...

Then a couple weeks later, we went to the midnight book release at Borders.
Me as Tonks, with my sister as a Hufflepuff alum -Some people came as Death Eaters and Voldie! I didn't get to talk to them, but we snapped a picture-
THE book!
I like to think Tonks would have NIP Teddy --
My "ooh, I'm so cool" for Myspace pic:
Devouring the first chapter, at Perkins, 1:30am

Worlds of Fun!

On August 4, Brian's job held "Family Fun Day" at Worlds of Fun, and not only did we all go, we scavenged up extra tickets from his co-workers who weren't attending and took 9 people with us! Riley of course had so much fun and had to ride EVERYTHING and didn't want to stop. We stayed the whole day and did it all. Since we went, she is still asking when can we go back to the 'big park' ?

She rode lots of rides with her daddy.

And some rides with me...

A couple we are friends with went with us and Riley rode some of the rides with their older daughter, K.

And I had to start my collection of photos of NIP at local landmarks-

Me and my perfect little man.

And this is what we all looked like at the end of the day, it was hot!

Monday, August 13, 2007


When you read this, pretend that I'm virtually kicking your internet butt! You texted that I was supposed to wait up for you to call me after you got off work around 10. I'm holding myself up from going to bed and now it is 1!!!! 1 o'clock in the damn morning! I have crap to do today, I should be sleeping! Why didn't you call me!
I've had enough of your buttweaselish douchebaggery! I'm out of here.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Well long time no typey mates

I haven't been doing anything too interesting lately, just futzing around. I just made that word up. Previously mentioned bitch girl did some even worse nasty stuff. Harry Potter mania has been on in full-force in my home and isn't going to slow down any time soon. I cut my hair off and dyed it pink to go as Tonks to the book release. Then (most of you don't know this yet) I got all ahead of myself thinking I was going to get an awesome once-in-a-million job and so I dyed brown over the pink only a week later. And now I'm almost definitely not going to even get interviewed for the wonderful job.
I've got a secret, it isn't much fun to share without pictures.

We went and picked up a van tonight! My car isn't even here anymore. It is so weird!

This Saturday is family fun day company picnic for Brian's work, we're going to World's of Fun and taking the kids....say some prayers of patience and protection for us.
Today is the first day of World Breastfeeding Week

And wrapping it up, I love The End of the, mate?

Monday, July 16, 2007

Too much "I love the 80's" on VH1 when I was pregnant with Riley...

Because I came across this quiz from Jen's Blog and on my first try I got a 50.7 when I just skimmed through it. Went back and did it again, without reading the answers and got 107! And I was born in 84!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Sorry about that

To ease any worries about that last post (I was told it was vague and foreboding) I guess I need to let you all know that I'm OK. And it isn't Brian. I was fighting with my ex-friend and she was trying to make me and Brian fight but we worked it out and had a good weekend, and I'm just going to keep away from her now. I don't think she comes here but I took those specific pictures down because she'd be the type to call it perverted. She already said I shouldn't be allowed to have my kids because I've drank alcohol while nursing and pregnant, and wasn't able to immediately quit smoking the moment I got my positive pregnancy test.
Whew, I've got to slow down and not go there. I'm not going to think about her lies and mindgames anymore.
Anybody that knows me knows that I'm not exactly getting drunk, I don't live the way I do with my kids without having good safe healthful reasons to, and here's a big one: I FREAKING LOVE BEING A NON-SMOKER!!!!!!!!!! It is the thing that I am most proud of doing, yes even more so than dropping an 11 pound baby in the kitchen. Quitting smoking was harder and I'm 10 months smoke free now and I own it! I rock!
Ex-friend can't quit smoking because "it's too hard"
I'm just saying.....

(As Riley would tell me, "I'm TOUGH! Grrr." I'll get over this too)

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Oh man, now this

More than anything, I HATE people!

I am feeling so down in the dumps and depressed right now. I just feel like I've totally had the rug pulled out from under me. I'm in shock. I honestly didn't think that people could be as mean as they really are.
I feel so alone.

Sorry about that last post, I had to delete it because it is too risky for me to have anything like that floating around online right now. I don't know what might happen soon.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Side effects of hormones?

I can't remember anything. I wanted to make a post and now I don't know what I was going to talk about.
I'll just leave some random tidbits then.

I just found out about Chateau Avalon, which is a themed romance getaway hotel concept place. So I checked out their page. You can view all the different suites. I think some of the themes are reaching a little bit and some of them are cool and some could use some more work. So I was curious how much it cost for something like that, I didn't find a price list but I went into the page to make reservations and picked a random date a long ways into the future (not my anniversary or anything...) to see what was offered. The prices range from $129 to like $400and something. I think it is kind of overpriced and I can't picture myself doing it anyway. I think I'd feel embarrassed and cheesy being in the 'Camelot' bed or the 'Serengeti' bathtub. And maybe I'm not looking at it right, but the tubs look like big bathtubs to me and strange to have a bathtub right next to the bed. Maybe if they wanted it to have more ambiance they could get some tubs that weren't white. Just doesn't look like a sexy jacuzzi to me.
I swear, I don't want to go there. At all. Even if they do put rose petals on your bed and give you champagne and chocolate strawberries.
(Husband if you read this, that's called sarcasm. Let's go sit in an un-sexy bathtub in a goofy hotel!)

What else?
I still haven't finished writing Robby's story and I am so close. I promised myself I would do it for today/yesterday because he's 3 months now, but I didn't even open it today. I'm a slacker.

He went to the doctor today, and surprisingly he only weighs 16lbs6.4oz. I know it is still a hefty baby, but that is about what he weighed when I weighed him a few weeks back. So I was expecting him to be more by now. I don't know why I'm complaining, I have to carry him around all the damn time. He is 25.5 inches long and his head circumference is 17 inches. Strikes me that he seems to be about the size of a 6 month old, but he is 'on the charts' at 95%. I am pretty much the kind of mom that doesn't get caught up in the size stuff, except when I first get the update.
Then I brag just a little, after all at this point, it's all between me and God. You know? It makes me so happy and proud to know that my baby grew so big and strong inside of me and that I'm able to continue nourishing him with my milk and my love for him to be such a large, healthy, happy boy. It's tangible proof that I'm doing something right.

Not that moms of babies who are small or have illnesses or disorders or who are fussy or high-needs are doing anything wrong. They're only doing something wrong if they bottle-feed.

I kid, I kid! I hope nobody reads that who doesn't know me and get it as humor. Lactivism is only going to work if we can promote the normalization of breastfeeding without insulting and alienating those who we are trying to convert.

But back from that tangent, I'm just happy to be carrying around such a noticeable and positive example that you can birth and feed a baby naturally, using only your own body, in the way that God made you to and it will work out perfect.

People (strangers) really don't believe me that he was not a c-section and that he doesn't "get anything to eat" (their words). Obviously he eats plenty of milk, even if it isn't "real milk" (their words again).

And the sad truth is that you won't often see another baby like mine because women aren't allowed to have trust in their bodies and so much of the American birth culture now is about having control over every unknown.
If I had been under monitoring from an OB or even a hospital midwife during the last 4-8 weeks of my pregnancy, I would have probably been scheduled for an induction because the baby was getting big.
After I went to 41 and then 42 weeks and beyond, I would definitely have been induced for being overdue.
In my 9 hours of labor, I would have probably been taken in for a c-section when the baby was not descending into my pelvis, had I been in a hospital.
That's if my c-section wasn't already scheduled for suspicion of big baby that wouldn't fit through my vagina.
If a doctor would have had a clue about me, he would have never been as big as he was, they don't "let" babies get that big.
If I somehow escaped all of these interventions and micromanagement, when I delivered an 11 pound baby in a hospital they would have taken him away immediately for blood sugar testing and insisted that he needed a bottle because such a big baby would be going hungry and I couldn't expect to feed him.

I am so grateful and happy that I stuck to my guns and didn't buy into the hype and fear that is swirling around mothers in our country. There was something about this pregnancy that I just knew I needed to do it on my terms the way I was created to.

Even in all the horror afterwards, I was aware that everything would be fine if we left well enough alone.
I love having this experience now so I can tell my own story and prove that I actually do know what I am talking about.

Sidenote-the doctor today said Robby has mastered all of the physical milestones for 4 months (only missing out on squealing) and that along with his size just has me joking again. Some babies are born prematurely and their parents know their real age from when they were actually born and then their adjusted age from their expected due date. I know that it is very serious and not a joking matter to have a preemie, but I keep thinking about how Robby could have a reverse adjusted age.
He's only been alive for 3 months, but he could easily have been born 4 months ago and be just as healthy and wonderful. I see moms with teeny-tiny little newborns and they are just carrying them around in public, it is so startling to me!
People are regularly birthing babies half the size of the baby I had! I have to check myself because I get wistful and sad that I never had that teeny newborn time and I do miss it. When Robby was that size, it was probably like January or something. I was months away from getting to see his face or hold him to my breast. I start to pine for another pregnancy...but what if next time I have an even bigger baby that stays in for even longer???

There's a downside to everything. I'm super proud of myself and of him for his size, but it's like I missed out on a whole phase of his development.
Ok, I'm just yammering on out because I need to get to bed so I'll quit now.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

This kid cracks me up

So I'm sitting here doodling around online. We just got done eating breakfast and I had my vitamins sitting on the table next to me and I was just about to take them. Riley walks up and grabs one---
R: "Oooh, Mommy medicine! Let me see it!"
MomME: "Ok, don't taste it though, it tastes yucky."
R: [holds vitamin up to her nose and inhales deeply] "Mmm, very good. Good medicine! Mmm, me like it!"
Me: "That's a vitamin, can I have it back please!"
R: "Vitamin. Nice vitamin. Smells good. Very good Mommy!"

Actually no, they don't smell good at all, but I guess she thinks all kinds of weird stuff smells good now. A couple weeks ago she took off a pee diaper and held it up to her face and sniffed it and said, "Mmmm, nice pee-pee. Pee-pee smell very good." Freakin' weirdo my kid is.

Speaking of pee-pee, she is now actively demanding "PANees!!!" (panties) and slept a two hour nap wearing panties yesterday and woke up dry and made it to the toilet with success when she did wake up.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

So ''fwimmin'' is going to be a regular activity now

We were generously gifted a BIG pool for Riley over the weekend. It is one of those 12' x 36" easy set pools, the blue ones with the inflatable top ring.
Daddy set it up for her and today she and I went out and got some supplies and toys for it. Now I really need to get my act together so I can take pictures. I went to a photo supply and repair store today and all the guy could tell me was that the lens was jammed (no duh) and I should call the manufacturer. This is not looking good. Sounds like we'll probably be new camera shopping yet again.
So since I don't have any new pictures of my own, here's a couple more from my sister:

Friday, June 15, 2007

bum-bum-bum: no more pictures

Yep. Riley has destroyed yet another digital camera. The first one I got in 12/04 before she was born and it lasted until 9/05 when she threw it on the floor. I didn't get a new one until Black Friday (day after Thanksgiving) which means I have no pictures of her first Halloween with her special bunny costume that I made just for her. So the second camera lasted from after Thanksgiving 2005 until today.

I have no idea what she did with it. I'm guessing it was turned on with the lens extended on the front and she pushed and jammed it back in by pushing on it. It is sticking out just a little bit and when I power the camera on and off, nothing happens. It doesn't move and nothing shows on the view screen except for the Canon logo and after 15 seconds it goes beep-beep-beep-beep and shuts itself off. Can't go into review mode and view the saved pictures on the screen either. I don't know if it will load them into the computer or not, because before it was broken it was already not uploading today and I think something was wrong with the USB connection because my computer wasn't recognizing that the camera was plugged in.

I'm going to try to take it to a camera store and see if it can be fixed. To people that are really into cameras it isn't much and they'll probably just tell me to replace it. It is only 4.0 megapixels and 1.5 years old but it is all I got. I paid $200 for it and I hate the idea of just forgetting about it.
And now that I've gone through two I'm a little hesitant to keep getting more. They aren't supposed to be disposable. But I'm all about pictures and I want to be able to take good pictures of my babies for them to look at when they are older.
I don't know what I'm going to do, we really can't afford to get another one. I'm still trying to sell the stupid old Jeep but if there's any spare cash from that I'd like to use it to pay up on hospital bills from when we were in there.

Oh yeah, those pictures in that last post are from using my sister's camera and I do have a bunch more cute ones from today that I got from her that I will post up in the real morning.

Poor little Riley

We went swimming today and Riley had a bad little accident. I'm surprised she didn't do something worse that would have needed stitches. I'm surprised she hasn't ever needed stitches yet at her age and with her fearlessness.

So here is the lovely fountain and pretty design crap at the end of the pool. I don't really know what the point of those 4 big cubes are, I guess a little faux stepping stone bridge where it really isn't necessary. See how they are actually individual blocks of concrete and not connected??

Here's a picture up close of the last stepping stone block thing and the wall of the pool, with my shoes for an example of the scale.

AND here is Riley's leg after she slid and her leg got wedged down in that space between the side wall of the pool and the big concrete post stepping stone thingamadoohicky.

And here is a shot of her chin after she bumped it on the side

So I figure it is my fault for not keeping up with her enough and so she was able to get on there and fall. I don't think anyone is really supposed to be walking over there it is just a decorative feature.
My mom thinks I should have gone and complained to the management (this is an apartment pool) and told them they need to change that because it isn't safe and any kid could fall and get stuck in there.
I don't know, what do you think?

Also, I was finally going to go and get the kids' studio pictures taken this weekend and of course she ends up with a bloody face scab.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

New stuff

I finally added in some links and stuff on my page. I also changed all the colors and stuff around. I can't seem to ever settle on a style or colorscheme, but I guess that could be confusing to people if I keep shuffling it around. Maybe some time I'll sit down and really put some effort into making one I'll be happy with for a long time. It isn't like I want to do anything complicated, I like simple pages.
I also added in this google video bar thing at the bottom that I guess is supposed to circulate links to video clips based on search terms I provide. I entered in breastfeeding and homebirth as the keywords. We'll see how that works out.

I went and saw the new movie 'Knocked Up' tonight. Eh, it definitely had funny moments but there was also some stuff that I was like WTF? I'd watch it again though. Little R did fine the whole time I was there and that makes me feel good about going to more movies. So I will NOT be missing out on Harry Potter!!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Talk talk talk talkity talk talk

I'm not a talky talk person, but I am always getting cornered by people that want to "discuss their feelings" or want me to confide in them or tell them what I'm thinking.

Here's what I'm thinking freaks: get away from me! I don't want to get all in-depth and personal with you. I don't put any stock in talky talk talk, I don't want to hear about what you're going to do or how serious you are about it. I'll believe it when I see it. And I don't want to nitpick over all your emotional fluctuations of the past either. GET OVER IT!

All this talkity talk, and they're hypocrites anyway. All of them will swear up one side down the other that they're going to change their ways, and it never sticks.

It's auditory assault is what it is.

I don't want to listen to a pack of idiots who don't listen to me either. When it comes to this duo of biological buttweasels, I've got simple instructions.

To Brother #1: LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE!!! Don't touch 'em, don't talk to 'em, don't "discipline" them, butt out! If you try to mess with my kids, I WILL fuck you up and that's a guarantee. Try it again and see if you think I'm just talking. I'm not you, I'll back up my words.

To Brother #2: You could try on a different hat for size occasionally and leave the asshole attitude behind. I'm not mind-reader so I don't know what you're thinking but I'm not all bad. I'm not even all that bad. We used to have some good times, we used to be great friends and you used to treat me with respect. You acted like you liked me. Just considering the way you talk to me know, I'm making a guess that you feel like it isn't even worth the waste of your time to be dealing with me. Make up your mind. Either play nice or let's just call it over and quit making both of ourselves so miserable.

Monday, June 4, 2007


So Riley's favorite show is The Backyardigans. Ok, we don't have cable so she hasn't really seen any kid shows that we haven't specifically shown her but she really loves the Backyardigans DVDs that we give her.

Today I was talking to her about the characters, whose names are: Tasha, Tyrone, Austin, Pablo, and Uniqua.

I say, "Tasha"
Riley says, "TASHA!" (her favorite)
I say, "Tyrone"
Riley says, "Tywoon"
I say, "Austin"
Riley says, "Oppositin"
I say, "Pablo"
Riley says, "Paahhlo"
I say, "Uniqua"
Riley says.............."U-nigga"

No joke, that's exactly what it sounded like. So I asked her again, "Riley say 'Uniqua' please"
She says, "Nikga!"
"No, honey that doesn't sound like her name. Say Uniqua."
Riley says, "Unigga"

So I laughed until I had tears coming out of my eyes and then called my mom and had her tell my mom.
I know, I'm a bad bad parent.
She can say it without busting out the racial slurs now but it was shockingly hilarious while it lasted.

Here's a swimming picture from Friday.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Pics from Graduation

Ok, they aren't all in an order that makes sense, but I kept screwing this post up when I tried to write it yesterday, so this is what you get.

Andy (little brother) being silly at home.

His SO grownup looking senior announcement picture.

Robby being cute on Grammy's lap.

Me (looking fat in the face) and Robby reading the program at graduation.

Jessi and her manwhore friend DannyJoBoy.

Hey!! How did I get to be the little sister?????

Our family is very very weird, but here's a picture of all of us minus the wackiest one of all, Riley. This makes me sad that we left her out.

Mommy's boy, the youngest, the baby. Awwwww.....

A view of the crowd at graduation. This was about 1/4 of all the people there.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Lazy mom

So I obviously haven't been posting my progress every time I pump, I'm being completely negligent of this blog. If anyone was going to keep track, my output is averaging at about 6-7oz. from 2 pumping sessions a day. I'm not keeping up with it, but I'm going to really try to step it up for the rest of week because I'd like to go without buying anymore milk for Riley. We normally get more every Friday and we did run out on Saturday and haven't replaced it yet so I just have to be able to make as much as she wants.

Life is pretty blah. I'm definitely having some ongoing struggles with Riley. We butt heads a lot and I realize that I really wish she was more low-maintenance. I'd like to be able to sit down for 5 minutes without having her a) touching, poking, pinching and climbing all over me b) whining WITH the binky in her mouth for "choc-choc" or "candy" or "bottle milky" c) knowing that if she isn't doing a or b, she is guaranteed to be making a huge disgusting destructive mess.
She flushed something down the toilet today. I don't know what, but I walked in there after nursing baby and there was about 1 inch of water on the floor in both bathrooms.

We went to my brother's graduation on Sunday. Riley didn't get to go because nobody was willing to take full responsibility for keeping her semi-quiet and in the 'audience' area, not the stage or the graduates seating. I feel pretty guilty that we had a big family event and my daughter wasn't allowed to be part of it.

Brian's parents have been to church with us twice now and are planning on continuing to come. It is pretty weird to me, and there are awkward moments. For example, in a prayer circle this week, people were referring to them by our last name. Which is actually Brian's bio-dad's name because he wouldn't give up the rights for Brian's (step)dad to adopt him. So we were all flinching every time it was said until I finally spoke up. Of course, I'm the only grownup who writes my last name on my nametag at events, so they couldn't be too bothered by it.

Umm....what else has been going on? We moved the big monster debil fish into a new much larger aquarium which is looking good and I will post pictures of them/it soon.

And we're watching TV more often now too, and real TV shows too not just DVD. My only excuse is that it is going to help me stay committed to exclusively breastfeeding little brother because I need something to keep me distracted when I am stuck sitting down and can't do anything. I can't always be online because sometimes it takes two hands to hold onto the kid.

For some reason I never remember or think to use a sling while we're home, it is almost like I only use a carrier when we go somewhere. I guess because I am still so aware of him and worry about bumping him into the wall or sink. I feel like I can't bend or lean over while I am wearing him. And since the main stuff I have to do around the house during the day involves leaning and bending over, ie: putting away dishes, doing and putting away laundry, picking up toys off the floor...well I end up just sitting down to nurse and waiting until I can get him into the bouncy chair or swing before I try doing anything. I'm so not an AP mommy poster child. Ironically I just opened another email account with my login as APMomOlathe. Well, guess what? It just so happens that A.P. are my initials!

I'm feeling so blah because I'm flat-out broke and pretty annoyed by it. Like so totally broke that we aren't even going grocery shopping, to the chiro or doctor (co-pays) or having coke. Wah, I'm really really deprived of having pop.

Also, the gas prices and poorness and general trying to do better has me wanting to try taking the bus somewhere but I can't figure out if the bus goes anywhere I want to go and I'm pretty sure that trying to take Riley on the bus would end up with Riley under the bus.

I'll do a big picture post after this one of graduation and kids at the park.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

11:00am, 2oz. L
4:00pm, 1oz. L, 1.5oz R

Multi=tasker extraordinaire

Shit, how badly did I botch the spelling of that? It is late and I should be sleeping. I'm making a post to explain the fact hat I am trying to become an exclusive pumper as well as an exclusive breastfeeder. And extended for both of them too. If that even makes sense. I'm going to be an EEPingBFer, huh? Basically, Riley takes very well to breastmilk but hasn't successfully nursed yet so I am trying to pump enough to sustain her while also nursing baby Robin. I do still believe that she would be able to latch if she and I could both relax and get all zen at the same time. As it is now, I get jumpy when she puts her mouth on me and she is laughing hysterically at my reaction.
Riley's current intake is about 20-30 oz. of goat's milk per day, I'm hoping that by doing extra pumping I can stimulate myself into oversupply and have some milk stored in the freezer and maybe even some to donate as well.
So I started pumping over the weekend and for the last few days I have been giving Riley one 6oz. bottle of my milk and continuing to let her have her goat milk for the rest. So right now I have 12oz. in the freezer, and 5 in the refrigerator. As of now I'm pumping 3 or 4 times a day and getting about 3 oz. each time. That is per one breast, my pump is the Medela Swing which is a single electric but it does have the double cycling and is rated acceptable for daily use. I could feed a whole roomful of kids with a hospital pump though. I used the Symphony while we were in Children's Mercy, and OMG it was awesome. I'd love to get my nipples on a PIS to try it out. LOL, I'm a punny cheeseball.

Urgh, I'm not sure what the point of this rambling babble is. Oh yeah, I'm putting info here because I'm thinking I'm going to record my pumping sessions and output here so I don't have to try to keep up and maintain something new since I have way too much going on online already. And cause it is helpful to me to read other pumping mom's tips and experiences so maybe if I learn anything and keep track of it, I can pass it on later.

Time: 12:00am 5/17, 2oz. R

Monday, May 14, 2007

Behind the scenes...

Of our weak attempts to get a nice picture of our new family of 4. We had Robby's dedication service at church this morning so we were all looking especially good and I thought it would be nice for us to get a photo op. The offspring had other ideas. Enjoy the humor of my dissatisfaction.
I am very pleased with the pictures of just me and Brian alone though. Maybe I can have those printed and pretend that we ran away and don't have any poopypants whining kiddos? Nah, that's too harsh.