So, I wrote a little letter to the new baby this morning. It isn't all that mushy, more of a storyline of up until now. I've decided that I'm going to start writing letters to Riley every so often and saving them as a way to document what is going on at that point in her life, so I decided to start at the beginning with this baby. I just CAN'T get into that scrapbooking thing, even though I definitley have enough pictures, huh? So maybe between my picture habit and writing these notes to my kids, I'll eventually be able to put together memory books for them when they are older.
Without further blablabla, here's the baby's letter:


Well. This is it. Today is March 10, my estimated due date. So you are allegedly done cooking now, little baby. You can come on out whenever you want. I don't want to rush you, I'm happy to be carrying you with me. I know life will be drastically different when you join us, and soon enough I'll be fondly remembering how easy it was to keep you warm and safe while you were still inside of me. But although I am pretty patient and don't feel any rush or sense of urgency for you to be born, I'd really like to meet you! I'm so excited to have you in our family. I can't wait to find out who you are....what you look like....what your name is going to be....what your personality is like? Are you a boy like everyone thinks or will you surprise us all and be another little girl? Will you be independent and strong-willed like your big sister? Or will you be quiet and introverted and stay close to me?

These last 40 weeks that you have been growing inside me has been such a beautiful time in my life, and I am so happy that we are lucky enough to have you. This pregnancy has been a very different experience than my first, when I had Riley. I remember when I first found out I was going to have a baby. We were on a vacation to North Dakota to go see your daddy's dad, Grandpa Joe. It was the first week of July 2006. I had been talking with your daddy about whether or not we were ready to have another baby, and somehow I just had a feeling that you were already with me. I left the hotel after Daddy went to bed and drove to a store and bought some pregnancy tests. The next morning, I took one and it showed up positive. I was so excited! I was going to have a new little baby! I didn't know how or when to tell your dad. I wanted the news that you were coming to only be something special just for our family at first, so I decided to wait until we got home from vacation. I kept you a secret for almost 5 more days. I was nervous about telling Daddy because we had just started talking about what it would be like to have another child, and here right away we already had a baby coming. But he wanted to have a baby just like I did, and when I told him that I was pregnant, he was happy. He said that it would be good for Riley to be a big sister and have someone else to play with, and he knows how much I love babies and how excited I was to have you. The funny part of this story is that he actually had already found out I had gotten pregnant before I told him, but he was waiting to see what I said instead of telling me he knew. Because I'm so sentimental, I had saved the positive pregnancy tests that told me you were coming and hid them in the top of my closet, but he found them when he was unpacking after our vacation.

So we were going to have a baby! We decided to keep the news private for a little while still, just because we hadn't really told anyone else that we were thinking about having a new baby yet and it was so special that we could have such an incredible secret, something so wonderful that nobody else knew about.
Unfortunately, I started having 'morning sickness' pretty soon after we got home, which was a shock to me. When I was pregnant with Riley, I never felt very bad and I never threw up. Now that I had you, I felt sick almost all day every day. I would be trying to play with Riley or make dinner or do housework, and I'd have to go lay down because I got so nauseated. It was scary times for me because I really hate throwing up. I ended up only actually throwing up three times from morning sickness, but I spend a lot of time resting on the couch, thinking I would lose my lunch if I so much as moved an inch from where I was. I did a lot of deep breathing and relaxation and I wore some special wrist-bands that are sold to help with motion sickness. After a couple of months, I started feeling better and I was so relieved!

We had a scare a little bit more than a month after we knew I was pregnant. I was at church signing up to work at Old Settler's when I felt like I had peed in my pants! I went to the bathroom and found out I was bleeding. I was so scared, I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't want to lose you, I so wanted you to make it and join our family. I was with your aunt Jessica and Riley, and I told her to take us to the hospital. We went to the emergency room where I had to wait for a long time and I was very nervous and scared. Finally, I had been there for so long that Daddy got out of work and was able to come and be with me. A doctor came in and gave me an ultrasound and showed us where you were and how your heart was beating and that you were ok. The doctor said he didn't know why I was bleeding but the odds were good that you were going to stay alive and be fine and keep growing. I cried and cried because I felt so happy.

That night, Grammy (my mom) found out I had been in the hospital, so that was when we told her that we were going to have another baby. We told Daddy's mom on her birthday. I made a special t-shirt for Riley to wear that said: "I'm Going To Be The BIG Sister!" and Grandma was soo surprised and excited when we showed her.

The end of the summer was winding down, and I found myself restless and wondering what to do next. It seemed like forever until you would be here and I didn't want to wait. I didn't know what to do. I was impatient!
After the visit to the emergency room, I had started thinking that I really don't like to be in the hospital. I knew that women have their babies at home sometimes and they are usually able to have a much better birth experience because they are comfortable in their own environment and they get to decide what they want because they are in control of their own choices. In the hospital, there are so many nurses and doctors and they have a certain set of rules they have to follow so it is harder for a mommy to do just what is right for her. I started to think that maybe when it came time for you to be born, I'd like to stay home and not go to the hospital, if I didn't have any risks.
I started talking to Daddy about it, and at first he was unsure. He was worried about if it would be safe, and what if something went wrong, and really just because it was a new and unknown idea to him. I read lots of information and we kept talking, but he still wasn't sure. Some days I wasn't sure either, but I had strong feelings that having a homebirth would be right for me and you.
As weeks went by, we still hadn't made a decision, so I decided to start prenatal care dually at the hospital and with a midwife. I made appointments to go see Dr. Peck at the Olathe Medical Center, and he was a nice doctor, but talking with him just didn't feel right to me. It gave me comfort to know that if I had any complications, his expertise and experience was available. But I just felt like I didn't want to be around all those machines and rules when the time came for you to be born.

So we met Mountain. We knew Mountain from KCAP playgroups, and I liked her. I knew she was a midwife and that she was very laidback. Her personality seemed like the right fit for our family. Some midwives do homebirth but they still worry about a lot of the things that doctors do, and I could tell that Mountain was not a worrier and would not put any pressure on me. Mountain started coming to our house once a month to do prenatal checkups. She would check my bloodpressure, test my urine, and try to listen to your heartbeat. But you were ornery and would kick and roll around to get away from the fetoscope when she pressed on my belly. Also, your placenta was attached at the front of my womb and you were able to hide behind it. Mountain also made special tea for me to drink, which was a challenge because I don't like to try new things and I don't like to drink a lot of anything, but after some experimentation I was able to make the tea cold and drink it with other juices and lemonade.

So the months were going by and you were growing bigger and we were just waiting on you. I was still seeing Dr. Peck as well as Mountain because Daddy and I never made an official decision and I was still letting other people influence me into thinking that I might need to go to the hospital. But I knew I didn't need to go to the hospital. You were growing big and healthy, I felt fine and I wasn't having any problems. Finally the time came where the doctor wanted me to have another ultrasound, to check on your development. This is also the time where most people find out if their baby is a boy or a girl. But Daddy and I decided we didn't want to find out until you were born. The sonogram went fine and showed you were perfect.
After that I became even more committed to staying home and I became assertive about my ability to give birth in the way that felt right to me. So I told Daddy how important it was to me to have a homebirth and explained how much happier it would make me. He said it was ok with him for me to do whatever I felt was best, because I was the one doing all the work. So I told Dr. Peck that I wouldn't be coming to any more of his appointments because I was having a homebirth. NOW I was able to really relax and focus on more important things....like finding cute little newborn diapers for you!

One of the most important things that I've done throughout this pregnancy has been going to a chiropractor regularly. The chiropractors have helped me stay comfortable and relaxed as my body has expanded to make room for you as you have grown.

So now I have just been waiting and waiting and waiting. Whenever anyone asked me when I was due, I would tell them "sometime in March" or "the middle of March" because I didn't want to get too focused on one certain day. When I was waiting for Riley to be born, I knew her due date was supposed to be January 2, and I pinned all my hopes on her not being born until New Year's Eve. But she decided she was ready to come on December 29. So from that experience, I knew that babies come when they want to come. I also knew that babies are often born when there is a full moon, so I looked up when the full moon in March was going to be. It was March 3. Well, March 3 has come and gone, and I haven't felt any signs of labor or indication that you will be here soon.

So, today is March 10 and it is your due date. I joked with Daddy last night how funny it would be if you were born today, because I am usually late to everything and it would be ironic if you were born right "on time". I can't wait to meet you, I am very excited and anxious to see you. I feel like we are all ready, so you can come and join us any time you are ready. The weather is beautiful, and Daddy is prepared to take his vacation from work so he can stay home and get to know you. Even Riley is looking forward to meeting you. She'll pat my belly and say, "Come out, baby!" I know, I bet you think she is really loud...and you're right. But she is so loving and she really likes babies. Well, little baby, I am so happy to know that you are my little baby, and that sometime soon I will be able to hold you in my arms and look at your beautiful face instead of just feeling your pointy little feet poking me!
I love you little baby, and I will be meeting you soon. I cannot wait! Love, your Mommy.