True Stories

Insomni-crack

2007-10-26T00:45:00.001-05:00

So it is...about 12:45 right now. I can never get to sleep anymore. But it isn't like I'm doing anything useful either. I'm just on a messed up schedule. I guess my caffeine intake is probably not helping either. Lately I've been going most of the day without caffeine, but I end up with a nasty awful headache in the late afternoon so then I break down and have a Pepsi or two at dinner and then I feel better. But here I am, shiftless and sleepless.

Hmmmzzzzzzzz

2007-10-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

My baby likes to play the kazoo. He's 6 months old. He rocks!

I got tickets to the Sprint center....

2007-10-06T12:48:00.001-05:00

(sing it to the tune of "Friends in Low Places" lol)

This is so outrageous! I've been saying for a few years now that Garth Brooks was the concert experience of a lifetime that I missed out on.
Apparently everybody else in town missed out on it too. He sold out NINE nights in KC.
Completely insane.
I'd like to get me a piece of that action.
We're going on November 8th.
I've got 6 tickets for the 9th that I will sell.

2007-10-02T10:41:00.001-05:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Pout

2007-09-11T23:19:00.000-05:00

Blegh. I hate feeling like this, so disconnected from people who I thought were our friends. I guess sometimes people just grow apart over time but it is so weird.
It really makes me second-guess how I act and how much I trust people. Just recently I've really become aware that these two guys (men really) have been withdrawing from our company and even lying to us to keep us at a distance from their "real" lives. One has had a girlfriend for a few months and I heard the other just started dating someone which might explain why we haven't seen him for several weeks.
The thing is, Riley is really really attached to these two guys. She's not a baby, and separation really depresses her. She will ask me to call them for her, and ask why they aren't coming over, and cry because she misses them. She even calls one of them uncle, he was friends with Brian for years before I even knew Brian.
It breaks my heart that she will cry for these people who I let into her life, who I facilitated her attachment to, and they just don't have time for her anymore and they obviously just don't care. If they could just stop by occasionally and visit her for an hour! And I mean, actually visit her and play with her, not just stand in the garage and talk to Brian for a minute or work on a motor and then bail out because they've got "stuff to do".
How do I deal with this, as a mom? How do I know who to trust? Who isn't going to hurt my little girl's feelings?

My favorite time of year

2007-09-11T00:15:00.000-05:00

It's day 2 of open-window weather for us and I'm in heaven. I love cool fall nights and crisp cloudy days and apple time and pumpkin time and making soup and bread and blankets on the bed and wearing socks and sweaters and making Halloween costumes, and all of it. EVERYTHING! September and October (and sometimes parts of November) are when I'm usually happiest.

Yay for seasons!

In pursuit of JOY

2007-08-28T23:04:00.000-05:00

I just keep telling myself I MUST get there.

My first therapy/counseling appointment is tomorrow.

What do you know???

2007-08-21T22:26:00.001-05:00

Or maybe what do you not know? I've been tagged by The Rogue Midwife to make a list of 8 things about me and then pass it on.

Here are the rules for being tagged:
RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag six people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

Ok here we go,

1. I am a...foodophile? a poor-man's foodie? I have yet to come up with a good name for it yet. But I really love to eat and prepare and talk about food, and have way too much of an attachment to eating and tend to eat more than I should. BUT I am not an adventurous eater and any true foodie would turn up their nose and laugh at me and I know it. But I love restaurants, even junk ones like Golden Corral and Applebee's. (But never McDonald's) I would go out to eat every day if I could. I love the experience of eating a meal. I love junk food, including and especially Coke AND Pepsi. I don't know how I'm ever going to stick to a healthy diet. (Don't get the impression I'm trying now, I'm not)

2. I'm a phobic, anxiety-ridden worrywart, and I'm sick of it and I'm doing something about it. I made my first call to a psychologist/therapist practice today. They weren't open and I had to leave a message, but I called.

3. I am not opposed to cosmetic surgery for myself and if/when I have the funds (and the Valiums) I will have laser eye surgery, laser hair removal, porcelain veneers on my teeth, and possibly more, maybe something like this.

4. I hate my house. I hate most houses on the market in our area. I want the room and simplicity of a farm house without living out on a farm with all the wild animals and evil nasty bugs.

5. I love baths and one of my biggest dreams is to have a bathtub big enough for my whole family to bathe together. Like this one. Yes, that is over 6 feet wide and two feet deep. I'm serious about bathtubs. If ever won the lottery, this would be the first thing I'd order.

6. I want a dog like this. But instead I live with a dog like this.

7. I love love love tattoos and will be a body of walking art someday. I want to have my whole back done.

8. I didn't have a wedding and I'm wistful and envious of the whole crazed multi-billion dollar wedding industry, even though I know deep down that it is foolish and frivolous and consumerist and wasteful. I still greedily, selfishly wish I could have done it. But I probably never will. And I don't have the kind of family who would be involved in that kind of thing, or any friends to be wedding attendants. So my reality would never turn out like those dream weddings. But oh, they do looks so dreamy. (This is all my point of view from magazine, TV, and online. I've never been to a real wedding-y wedding. Just a couple backyard bbq things and a union at the courthouse. Never been to a dinner-and-dancing, throwing the bouquet, full-out lavish affair)

I tag Jen, Jaime, Kara, Aimee, Sarah, and Deanna. Sorry to all if you have done this before, just do it again, it is fun!

A lot of cute kids

2007-08-16T10:51:00.001-05:00

and a little taste of Harry and the Potters. We went to their concert at the library last night, and I tried so hard to get good pictures. HOWEVER, someone whose camera I used, did not email me the pictures that I said I wanted copies of. Ahem, ahem, JESSI! So you'll have to wait to get the whole picture, but I do have a few.

Ok, oops, I loaded all those pictures on the left for some reason

Long overdue, all the Harry Potter you can handle...

2007-08-16T10:24:00.000-05:00

It's been over a month now, but because I don't have my own camera right now (and I'm kinda lazy) I am way behind on getting pictures online.
First, from the midnight showing of OOtP, we don't have much, but check out Robby sleeping in Aunt Jessi's arms and wearing a mini wizard hat! They did this to him when I went to get a drink...
And we had Riley's impersonation of a Death Eater before we left...

Then a couple weeks later, we went to the midnight book release at Borders.
Me as Tonks, with my sister as a Hufflepuff alum -Some people came as Death Eaters and Voldie! I didn't get to talk to them, but we snapped a picture-
THE book!
I like to think Tonks would have NIP Teddy --
My "ooh, I'm so cool" for Myspace pic:
Devouring the first chapter, at Perkins, 1:30am

Worlds of Fun!

2007-08-16T09:36:00.000-05:00

On August 4, Brian's job held "Family Fun Day" at Worlds of Fun, and not only did we all go, we scavenged up extra tickets from his co-workers who weren't attending and took 9 people with us! Riley of course had so much fun and had to ride EVERYTHING and didn't want to stop. We stayed the whole day and did it all. Since we went, she is still asking when can we go back to the 'big park' ?

She rode lots of rides with her daddy.

And some rides with me...

A couple we are friends with went with us and Riley rode some of the rides with their older daughter, K.

And I had to start my collection of photos of NIP at local landmarks-

Me and my perfect little man.

And this is what we all looked like at the end of the day, it was hot!

JESSICA!

2007-08-13T01:02:00.000-05:00

When you read this, pretend that I'm virtually kicking your internet butt! You texted that I was supposed to wait up for you to call me after you got off work around 10. I'm holding myself up from going to bed and now it is 1!!!! 1 o'clock in the damn morning! I have crap to do today, I should be sleeping! Why didn't you call me!
I've had enough of your buttweaselish douchebaggery! I'm out of here.

Well long time no typey mates

2007-08-02T00:50:00.000-05:00

I haven't been doing anything too interesting lately, just futzing around. I just made that word up. Previously mentioned bitch girl did some even worse nasty stuff. Harry Potter mania has been on in full-force in my home and isn't going to slow down any time soon. I cut my hair off and dyed it pink to go as Tonks to the book release. Then (most of you don't know this yet) I got all ahead of myself thinking I was going to get an awesome once-in-a-million job and so I dyed brown over the pink only a week later. And now I'm almost definitely not going to even get interviewed for the wonderful job.
Bummer.
I've got a secret, it isn't much fun to share without pictures.

We went and picked up a van tonight! My car isn't even here anymore. It is so weird!

This Saturday is family fun day company picnic for Brian's work, we're going to World's of Fun and taking the kids....say some prayers of patience and protection for us.
Today is the first day of World Breastfeeding Week

And wrapping it up, I love The End of the World...wtf, mate?

Too much "I love the 80's" on VH1 when I was pregnant with Riley...

2007-07-16T22:12:00.000-05:00

Because I came across this quiz from Jen's Blog and on my first try I got a 50.7 when I just skimmed through it. Went back and did it again, without reading the answers and got 107! And I was born in 84!

Sorry about that

2007-07-02T14:45:00.000-05:00

To ease any worries about that last post (I was told it was vague and foreboding) I guess I need to let you all know that I'm OK. And it isn't Brian. I was fighting with my ex-friend and she was trying to make me and Brian fight but we worked it out and had a good weekend, and I'm just going to keep away from her now. I don't think she comes here but I took those specific pictures down because she'd be the type to call it perverted. She already said I shouldn't be allowed to have my kids because I've drank alcohol while nursing and pregnant, and wasn't able to immediately quit smoking the moment I got my positive pregnancy test.
Whew, I've got to slow down and not go there. I'm not going to think about her lies and mindgames anymore.
Anybody that knows me knows that I'm not exactly getting drunk, I don't live the way I do with my kids without having good safe healthful reasons to, and here's a big one: I FREAKING LOVE BEING A NON-SMOKER!!!!!!!!!! It is the thing that I am most proud of doing, yes even more so than dropping an 11 pound baby in the kitchen. Quitting smoking was harder and I'm 10 months smoke free now and I own it! I rock!
Ex-friend can't quit smoking because "it's too hard"
I'm just saying.....

(As Riley would tell me, "I'm TOUGH! Grrr." I'll get over this too)

Oh man, now this

2007-06-30T02:12:00.000-05:00

More than anything, I HATE people!

I am feeling so down in the dumps and depressed right now. I just feel like I've totally had the rug pulled out from under me. I'm in shock. I honestly didn't think that people could be as mean as they really are.
I feel so alone.

Sorry about that last post, I had to delete it because it is too risky for me to have anything like that floating around online right now. I don't know what might happen soon.

Side effects of hormones?

2007-06-26T01:06:00.000-05:00

I can't remember anything. I wanted to make a post and now I don't know what I was going to talk about.
I'll just leave some random tidbits then.

I just found out about Chateau Avalon, which is a themed romance getaway hotel concept place. So I checked out their page. You can view all the different suites. I think some of the themes are reaching a little bit and some of them are cool and some could use some more work. So I was curious how much it cost for something like that, I didn't find a price list but I went into the page to make reservations and picked a random date a long ways into the future (not my anniversary or anything...) to see what was offered. The prices range from $129 to like $400and something. I think it is kind of overpriced and I can't picture myself doing it anyway. I think I'd feel embarrassed and cheesy being in the 'Camelot' bed or the 'Serengeti' bathtub. And maybe I'm not looking at it right, but the tubs look like big bathtubs to me and strange to have a bathtub right next to the bed. Maybe if they wanted it to have more ambiance they could get some tubs that weren't white. Just doesn't look like a sexy jacuzzi to me.
I swear, I don't want to go there. At all. Even if they do put rose petals on your bed and give you champagne and chocolate strawberries.
(Husband if you read this, that's called sarcasm. Let's go sit in an un-sexy bathtub in a goofy hotel!)

What else?
I still haven't finished writing Robby's story and I am so close. I promised myself I would do it for today/yesterday because he's 3 months now, but I didn't even open it today. I'm a slacker.

He went to the doctor today, and surprisingly he only weighs 16lbs6.4oz. I know it is still a hefty baby, but that is about what he weighed when I weighed him a few weeks back. So I was expecting him to be more by now. I don't know why I'm complaining, I have to carry him around all the damn time. He is 25.5 inches long and his head circumference is 17 inches. Strikes me that he seems to be about the size of a 6 month old, but he is 'on the charts' at 95%. I am pretty much the kind of mom that doesn't get caught up in the size stuff, except when I first get the update.
Then I brag just a little, after all at this point, it's all between me and God. You know? It makes me so happy and proud to know that my baby grew so big and strong inside of me and that I'm able to continue nourishing him with my milk and my love for him to be such a large, healthy, happy boy. It's tangible proof that I'm doing something right.

Not that moms of babies who are small or have illnesses or disorders or who are fussy or high-needs are doing anything wrong. They're only doing something wrong if they bottle-feed.

I kid, I kid! I hope nobody reads that who doesn't know me and get it as humor. Lactivism is only going to work if we can promote the normalization of breastfeeding without insulting and alienating those who we are trying to convert.

But back from that tangent, I'm just happy to be carrying around such a noticeable and positive example that you can birth and feed a baby naturally, using only your own body, in the way that God made you to and it will work out perfect.

People (strangers) really don't believe me that he was not a c-section and that he doesn't "get anything to eat" (their words). Obviously he eats plenty of milk, even if it isn't "real milk" (their words again).

And the sad truth is that you won't often see another baby like mine because women aren't allowed to have trust in their bodies and so much of the American birth culture now is about having control over every unknown.
If I had been under monitoring from an OB or even a hospital midwife during the last 4-8 weeks of my pregnancy, I would have probably been scheduled for an induction because the baby was getting big.
After I went to 41 and then 42 weeks and beyond, I would definitely have been induced for being overdue.
In my 9 hours of labor, I would have probably been taken in for a c-section when the baby was not descending into my pelvis, had I been in a hospital.
That's if my c-section wasn't already scheduled for suspicion of big baby that wouldn't fit through my vagina.
If a doctor would have had a clue about me, he would have never been as big as he was, they don't "let" babies get that big.
If I somehow escaped all of these interventions and micromanagement, when I delivered an 11 pound baby in a hospital they would have taken him away immediately for blood sugar testing and insisted that he needed a bottle because such a big baby would be going hungry and I couldn't expect to feed him.

I am so grateful and happy that I stuck to my guns and didn't buy into the hype and fear that is swirling around mothers in our country. There was something about this pregnancy that I just knew I needed to do it on my terms the way I was created to.

Even in all the horror afterwards, I was aware that everything would be fine if we left well enough alone.
I love having this experience now so I can tell my own story and prove that I actually do know what I am talking about.

Sidenote-the doctor today said Robby has mastered all of the physical milestones for 4 months (only missing out on squealing) and that along with his size just has me joking again. Some babies are born prematurely and their parents know their real age from when they were actually born and then their adjusted age from their expected due date. I know that it is very serious and not a joking matter to have a preemie, but I keep thinking about how Robby could have a reverse adjusted age.
He's only been alive for 3 months, but he could easily have been born 4 months ago and be just as healthy and wonderful. I see moms with teeny-tiny little newborns and they are just carrying them around in public, it is so startling to me!
People are regularly birthing babies half the size of the baby I had! I have to check myself because I get wistful and sad that I never had that teeny newborn time and I do miss it. When Robby was that size, it was probably like January or something. I was months away from getting to see his face or hold him to my breast. I start to pine for another pregnancy...but what if next time I have an even bigger baby that stays in for even longer???

There's a downside to everything. I'm super proud of myself and of him for his size, but it's like I missed out on a whole phase of his development.
Ok, I'm just yammering on out because I need to get to bed so I'll quit now.

This kid cracks me up

2007-06-21T08:17:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting here doodling around online. We just got done eating breakfast and I had my vitamins sitting on the table next to me and I was just about to take them. Riley walks up and grabs one---
R: "Oooh, Mommy medicine! Let me see it!"
MomME: "Ok, don't taste it though, it tastes yucky."
R: [holds vitamin up to her nose and inhales deeply] "Mmm, very good. Good medicine! Mmm, me like it!"
Me: "That's a vitamin, can I have it back please!"
R: "Vitamin. Nice vitamin. Smells good. Very good Mommy!"

Actually no, they don't smell good at all, but I guess she thinks all kinds of weird stuff smells good now. A couple weeks ago she took off a pee diaper and held it up to her face and sniffed it and said, "Mmmm, nice pee-pee. Pee-pee smell very good." Freakin' weirdo my kid is.

Speaking of pee-pee, she is now actively demanding "PANees!!!" (panties) and slept a two hour nap wearing panties yesterday and woke up dry and made it to the toilet with success when she did wake up.

So ''fwimmin'' is going to be a regular activity now

2007-06-19T16:01:00.000-05:00

We were generously gifted a BIG pool for Riley over the weekend. It is one of those 12' x 36" easy set pools, the blue ones with the inflatable top ring.
Daddy set it up for her and today she and I went out and got some supplies and toys for it. Now I really need to get my act together so I can take pictures. I went to a photo supply and repair store today and all the guy could tell me was that the lens was jammed (no duh) and I should call the manufacturer. This is not looking good. Sounds like we'll probably be new camera shopping yet again.
So since I don't have any new pictures of my own, here's a couple more from my sister:

bum-bum-bum: no more pictures

2007-06-15T00:53:00.000-05:00

Yep. Riley has destroyed yet another digital camera. The first one I got in 12/04 before she was born and it lasted until 9/05 when she threw it on the floor. I didn't get a new one until Black Friday (day after Thanksgiving) which means I have no pictures of her first Halloween with her special bunny costume that I made just for her. So the second camera lasted from after Thanksgiving 2005 until today.

I have no idea what she did with it. I'm guessing it was turned on with the lens extended on the front and she pushed and jammed it back in by pushing on it. It is sticking out just a little bit and when I power the camera on and off, nothing happens. It doesn't move and nothing shows on the view screen except for the Canon logo and after 15 seconds it goes beep-beep-beep-beep and shuts itself off. Can't go into review mode and view the saved pictures on the screen either. I don't know if it will load them into the computer or not, because before it was broken it was already not uploading today and I think something was wrong with the USB connection because my computer wasn't recognizing that the camera was plugged in.

I'm going to try to take it to a camera store and see if it can be fixed. To people that are really into cameras it isn't much and they'll probably just tell me to replace it. It is only 4.0 megapixels and 1.5 years old but it is all I got. I paid $200 for it and I hate the idea of just forgetting about it.
And now that I've gone through two I'm a little hesitant to keep getting more. They aren't supposed to be disposable. But I'm all about pictures and I want to be able to take good pictures of my babies for them to look at when they are older.
I don't know what I'm going to do, we really can't afford to get another one. I'm still trying to sell the stupid old Jeep but if there's any spare cash from that I'd like to use it to pay up on hospital bills from when we were in there.

Oh yeah, those pictures in that last post are from using my sister's camera and I do have a bunch more cute ones from today that I got from her that I will post up in the real morning.

Poor little Riley

2007-06-15T00:39:00.000-05:00

We went swimming today and Riley had a bad little accident. I'm surprised she didn't do something worse that would have needed stitches. I'm surprised she hasn't ever needed stitches yet at her age and with her fearlessness.

So here is the lovely fountain and pretty design crap at the end of the pool. I don't really know what the point of those 4 big cubes are, I guess a little faux stepping stone bridge where it really isn't necessary. See how they are actually individual blocks of concrete and not connected??

Here's a picture up close of the last stepping stone block thing and the wall of the pool, with my shoes for an example of the scale.

AND here is Riley's leg after she slid and her leg got wedged down in that space between the side wall of the pool and the big concrete post stepping stone thingamadoohicky.

And here is a shot of her chin after she bumped it on the side

So I figure it is my fault for not keeping up with her enough and so she was able to get on there and fall. I don't think anyone is really supposed to be walking over there it is just a decorative feature.
My mom thinks I should have gone and complained to the management (this is an apartment pool) and told them they need to change that because it isn't safe and any kid could fall and get stuck in there.
I don't know, what do you think?

Also, I was finally going to go and get the kids' studio pictures taken this weekend and of course she ends up with a bloody face scab.

New stuff

2007-06-13T01:24:00.000-05:00

I finally added in some links and stuff on my page. I also changed all the colors and stuff around. I can't seem to ever settle on a style or colorscheme, but I guess that could be confusing to people if I keep shuffling it around. Maybe some time I'll sit down and really put some effort into making one I'll be happy with for a long time. It isn't like I want to do anything complicated, I like simple pages.
I also added in this google video bar thing at the bottom that I guess is supposed to circulate links to video clips based on search terms I provide. I entered in breastfeeding and homebirth as the keywords. We'll see how that works out.

I went and saw the new movie 'Knocked Up' tonight. Eh, it definitely had funny moments but there was also some stuff that I was like WTF? I'd watch it again though. Little R did fine the whole time I was there and that makes me feel good about going to more movies. So I will NOT be missing out on Harry Potter!!

Talk talk talk talkity talk talk

2007-06-10T20:27:00.000-05:00

I'm not a talky talk person, but I am always getting cornered by people that want to "discuss their feelings" or want me to confide in them or tell them what I'm thinking.

Here's what I'm thinking freaks: get away from me! I don't want to get all in-depth and personal with you. I don't put any stock in talky talk talk, I don't want to hear about what you're going to do or how serious you are about it. I'll believe it when I see it. And I don't want to nitpick over all your emotional fluctuations of the past either. GET OVER IT!

All this talkity talk, and they're hypocrites anyway. All of them will swear up one side down the other that they're going to change their ways, and it never sticks.

It's auditory assault is what it is.

I don't want to listen to a pack of idiots who don't listen to me either. When it comes to this duo of biological buttweasels, I've got simple instructions.

To Brother #1: LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE!!! Don't touch 'em, don't talk to 'em, don't "discipline" them, butt out! If you try to mess with my kids, I WILL fuck you up and that's a guarantee. Try it again and see if you think I'm just talking. I'm not you, I'll back up my words.

To Brother #2: You could try on a different hat for size occasionally and leave the asshole attitude behind. I'm not mind-reader so I don't know what you're thinking but I'm not all bad. I'm not even all that bad. We used to have some good times, we used to be great friends and you used to treat me with respect. You acted like you liked me. Just considering the way you talk to me know, I'm making a guess that you feel like it isn't even worth the waste of your time to be dealing with me. Make up your mind. Either play nice or let's just call it over and quit making both of ourselves so miserable.

U-whaaaat???

2007-06-04T18:32:00.000-05:00

So Riley's favorite show is The Backyardigans. Ok, we don't have cable so she hasn't really seen any kid shows that we haven't specifically shown her but she really loves the Backyardigans DVDs that we give her.

Today I was talking to her about the characters, whose names are: Tasha, Tyrone, Austin, Pablo, and Uniqua.

I say, "Tasha"
Riley says, "TASHA!" (her favorite)
I say, "Tyrone"
Riley says, "Tywoon"
I say, "Austin"
Riley says, "Oppositin"
I say, "Pablo"
Riley says, "Paahhlo"
I say, "Uniqua"
Riley says.............."U-nigga"

No joke, that's exactly what it sounded like. So I asked her again, "Riley say 'Uniqua' please"
She says, "Nikga!"
"No, honey that doesn't sound like her name. Say Uniqua."
Riley says, "Unigga"

So I laughed until I had tears coming out of my eyes and then called my mom and had her tell my mom.
I know, I'm a bad bad parent.
She can say it without busting out the racial slurs now but it was shockingly hilarious while it lasted.

Here's a swimming picture from Friday.

Pics from Graduation

2007-05-24T10:33:00.001-05:00

Ok, they aren't all in an order that makes sense, but I kept screwing this post up when I tried to write it yesterday, so this is what you get.

Andy (little brother) being silly at home.

His SO grownup looking senior announcement picture.

Robby being cute on Grammy's lap.

Me (looking fat in the face) and Robby reading the program at graduation.

Jessi and her manwhore friend DannyJoBoy.

Hey!! How did I get to be the little sister?????

Our family is very very weird, but here's a picture of all of us minus the wackiest one of all, Riley. This makes me sad that we left her out.

Mommy's boy, the youngest, the baby. Awwwww.....

A view of the crowd at graduation. This was about 1/4 of all the people there.

Lazy mom

2007-05-23T17:05:00.001-05:00

So I obviously haven't been posting my progress every time I pump, I'm being completely negligent of this blog. If anyone was going to keep track, my output is averaging at about 6-7oz. from 2 pumping sessions a day. I'm not keeping up with it, but I'm going to really try to step it up for the rest of week because I'd like to go without buying anymore milk for Riley. We normally get more every Friday and we did run out on Saturday and haven't replaced it yet so I just have to be able to make as much as she wants.

Life is pretty blah. I'm definitely having some ongoing struggles with Riley. We butt heads a lot and I realize that I really wish she was more low-maintenance. I'd like to be able to sit down for 5 minutes without having her a) touching, poking, pinching and climbing all over me b) whining WITH the binky in her mouth for "choc-choc" or "candy" or "bottle milky" c) knowing that if she isn't doing a or b, she is guaranteed to be making a huge disgusting destructive mess.
She flushed something down the toilet today. I don't know what, but I walked in there after nursing baby and there was about 1 inch of water on the floor in both bathrooms.

We went to my brother's graduation on Sunday. Riley didn't get to go because nobody was willing to take full responsibility for keeping her semi-quiet and in the 'audience' area, not the stage or the graduates seating. I feel pretty guilty that we had a big family event and my daughter wasn't allowed to be part of it.

Brian's parents have been to church with us twice now and are planning on continuing to come. It is pretty weird to me, and there are awkward moments. For example, in a prayer circle this week, people were referring to them by our last name. Which is actually Brian's bio-dad's name because he wouldn't give up the rights for Brian's (step)dad to adopt him. So we were all flinching every time it was said until I finally spoke up. Of course, I'm the only grownup who writes my last name on my nametag at events, so they couldn't be too bothered by it.

Umm....what else has been going on? We moved the big monster debil fish into a new much larger aquarium which is looking good and I will post pictures of them/it soon.

And we're watching TV more often now too, and real TV shows too not just DVD. My only excuse is that it is going to help me stay committed to exclusively breastfeeding little brother because I need something to keep me distracted when I am stuck sitting down and can't do anything. I can't always be online because sometimes it takes two hands to hold onto the kid.

For some reason I never remember or think to use a sling while we're home, it is almost like I only use a carrier when we go somewhere. I guess because I am still so aware of him and worry about bumping him into the wall or sink. I feel like I can't bend or lean over while I am wearing him. And since the main stuff I have to do around the house during the day involves leaning and bending over, ie: putting away dishes, doing and putting away laundry, picking up toys off the floor...well I end up just sitting down to nurse and waiting until I can get him into the bouncy chair or swing before I try doing anything. I'm so not an AP mommy poster child. Ironically I just opened another email account with my login as APMomOlathe. Well, guess what? It just so happens that A.P. are my initials!

I'm feeling so blah because I'm flat-out broke and pretty annoyed by it. Like so totally broke that we aren't even going grocery shopping, to the chiro or doctor (co-pays) or having coke. Wah, I'm really really deprived of having pop.

Also, the gas prices and poorness and general trying to do better has me wanting to try taking the bus somewhere but I can't figure out if the bus goes anywhere I want to go and I'm pretty sure that trying to take Riley on the bus would end up with Riley under the bus.

I'll do a big picture post after this one of graduation and kids at the park.

2007-05-17T16:46:00.000-05:00

11:00am, 2oz. L
4:00pm, 1oz. L, 1.5oz R

Multi=tasker extraordinaire

2007-05-17T00:19:00.000-05:00

Shit, how badly did I botch the spelling of that? It is late and I should be sleeping. I'm making a post to explain the fact hat I am trying to become an exclusive pumper as well as an exclusive breastfeeder. And extended for both of them too. If that even makes sense. I'm going to be an EEPingBFer, huh? Basically, Riley takes very well to breastmilk but hasn't successfully nursed yet so I am trying to pump enough to sustain her while also nursing baby Robin. I do still believe that she would be able to latch if she and I could both relax and get all zen at the same time. As it is now, I get jumpy when she puts her mouth on me and she is laughing hysterically at my reaction.
Riley's current intake is about 20-30 oz. of goat's milk per day, I'm hoping that by doing extra pumping I can stimulate myself into oversupply and have some milk stored in the freezer and maybe even some to donate as well.
So I started pumping over the weekend and for the last few days I have been giving Riley one 6oz. bottle of my milk and continuing to let her have her goat milk for the rest. So right now I have 12oz. in the freezer, and 5 in the refrigerator. As of now I'm pumping 3 or 4 times a day and getting about 3 oz. each time. That is per one breast, my pump is the Medela Swing which is a single electric but it does have the double cycling and is rated acceptable for daily use. I could feed a whole roomful of kids with a hospital pump though. I used the Symphony while we were in Children's Mercy, and OMG it was awesome. I'd love to get my nipples on a PIS to try it out. LOL, I'm a punny cheeseball.

Urgh, I'm not sure what the point of this rambling babble is. Oh yeah, I'm putting info here because I'm thinking I'm going to record my pumping sessions and output here so I don't have to try to keep up and maintain something new since I have way too much going on online already. And cause it is helpful to me to read other pumping mom's tips and experiences so maybe if I learn anything and keep track of it, I can pass it on later.
So.

Time: 12:00am 5/17, 2oz. R

Behind the scenes...

2007-05-14T00:04:00.000-05:00

Of our weak attempts to get a nice picture of our new family of 4. We had Robby's dedication service at church this morning so we were all looking especially good and I thought it would be nice for us to get a photo op. The offspring had other ideas. Enjoy the humor of my dissatisfaction.
I am very pleased with the pictures of just me and Brian alone though. Maybe I can have those printed and pretend that we ran away and don't have any poopypants whining kiddos? Nah, that's too harsh.

But stuff like this makes it easier to survive

2007-05-13T23:59:00.000-05:00

These pictures don't need 1000 words for me. They just equal L-O-V-E.

All three of them are much easier to get along with when they are in this condition....

This blog...

2007-05-13T23:40:00.000-05:00

will serve as a record of how we all survived, if we make it. Me and Brian need to survive Riley growing up and she needs to survive being parented by us. I think I need to change the title of my page, to something like "Jungle Mama: One Foolish Woman Attempting to Domesticate Wild Monkeys" How's that sound? Any other suggestions?

So, the latest in the saga of Rileyisms. Yeah, you see that? That picture was taken last Tuesday and the top of her head is still red. The marker doesn't wash out. Off topic: notice how Rob is totally cracking up looking at the back of her head?

And then Friday was a hell of a day as well. I was "that mom". I had to go to HyVee and get some stuff with both kids and Brian was off doing some bitch work or other for his dad. (Who I totally love and am fine with, but I kind of wish he could have some free time to just hang out. He's ALWAYS busy helping someone) Anyway, we made it most of the way through the store and we were doing ok. Not great, but nobody was crying, not even me! We got to the checkout and the bagger boy said he had to take away the car-cart like he always does. So I'm still trying to wrangle the groceries and receipt and make sure we've got it all when Riley just zoom took off. She went from checkout to parking lot in under 3 seconds.
Yep, she ran all the way to the door and outside and right out into traffic without looking back. So I shove the cart out of the way and take after her. Thank God I wore Robby in the wrap or I totally would have dropped him. I've never been so scared in my life.
Something has to change with Riley or she will literally get herself killed before age 4. She's not scared of anything and I can't keep up with her. So I ended up with these two women who got my cart and followed me out to the car trying to ask me if everything was all right and could they do anything to help. And I just wanted to scream, "NO, it isn't all right. And I don't know what will help!!!" All I did was scoop her up and shove her roughly in the car without a binky. And I told her that I was very mad that she didn't listen and sad because she could have gotten hurt by running away. I don't think it made an impact.

The same day she had buckled herself into her doll's stroller and I was trying to get her to stop when she waddled over to the stairs and rolled right down with the stroller still hanging off her butt. Pink plastic wheels, head over heels. Could have been broken bones. Just as I was telling her to get back from the stairs before she got hurt. I could just cry. She's like a kamikaze baby.

Checklist check

2007-05-05T13:46:00.000-05:00

Friday May 4

Give Riley a bath DONE
Put away two loads of laundry Did one
Get everyone ready and drop Riley off at Grandma's before 9:00 DONE
Eye doctor appointment 9:00am 5 minutes late
Pick Riley up from Grandma's DONE
Go to my bank to add Robby to savings DONE
Have lunch Ate at Grandma's
Get B's paycheck DONE
Go to our joint bank and make deposit DONE
Mail in Netflix Didn't do
Order new glasses maybe? Not done
Vacuum and make bed DONE
Pick up Blake at airport 5:20 DONE
Bible study bbq for friends to meet Robby, 6:30 DONE, 30 minutes late
Spend time visiting with Blake and friends? (probably too tired, nobody available to watch Riley) Not done, screw friends anyway pffft

Pictures

2007-05-05T13:31:00.000-05:00

So here's some pictures of cute stuff from this past week.

Checklist

2007-05-03T23:23:00.000-05:00

I've got so much to do here coming up, I'm going to make a list of all of it and then check back in and see how I did.

Friday May 4

Give Riley a bath
Put away two loads of laundry
Get everyone ready and drop Riley off at Grandma's before 9:00
Eye doctor appointment 9:00am
Pick Riley up from Grandma's
Go to my bank to add Robby to savings
Have lunch
Get B's paycheck
Go to our joint bank and make deposit
Mail in Netflix
Order new glasses maybe?
Vacuum and make bed
Pick up Blake at airport 5:20
Bible study bbq for friends to meet Robby, 6:30
Spend time visiting with Blake and friends? (probably too tired, nobody available to watch Riley)

And Brian is not around for any of this because he is working in the morning and then taking off early but he's got a parts car sold that he has to prep for getting hauled off which includes changing all the tires, taking out the seats and breaking out the ignition because Riley lost the keys to it and he can't turn the wheels to get it out of the garage. The prep will take most of the afternoon and then he has to deliver it to the guy sometime between 5:00 and when it gets dark.

Saturday May 5

Clean out refrigerator
Shop Costco
Sort and file ALL the mail that has been piled up in my neglect, some of it as far back as mid-March.
Schedule payments for household bills, find out about Robby's medical bills
Laundry laundry laundry

Sunday May 6

Church
Church-sponsored college-age connect lunch (Riley has to go to Grandma's)
KCAP spring party

Busy busy weekend

2007-04-30T00:14:00.000-05:00

Whew, what a busy weekend we've had! Saturday was the KCAP field trip to check out the Shatto dairy farm. We were disgustingly late, even with Brian to "help" and I actually turned around and started to come home because of how late it was and I hadn't even gotten there yet before he talked me into going the rest of the way because I'd already put the miles on the car and everything. And then he had to talk me into getting out of the car while I was bawling my eyes out because I was so embarrassed and I didn't think I could face anyone after they had specifically told ME to be on time and I was an hour and a half late. It was nice though for him to try to help me, Brian is usually telling me how awful it is for me to screw people over by being late when I'm invited somewhere. And I guess maybe they really are my friends because nobody laughed at me or said anything about how late it was.
Anyway, personal issues aside...I would not drive that far again for those cows. It was neat but I don't think it was worth the trip. Riley almost milked the cow, but just as she was getting ready to touch it, the cow peed everywhere and R got scared!
Cow farm pictures, I didn't take many:

Then, when we got home we went over to Grandpa and Grandma's house and Riley helped Grandpa and some friends paint the house and she had a lot of fun! Daddy painted too.

Big Rob just sat around with me most of the time, although he did have his first run-in with the EVIL 'uncle' T despite my best efforts to foil his approaches. I managed to keep myself in check but just barely. That experience is another post for another time though, and not nearly as fun as this one.

And the most exciting part of the weekend (for Daddy and Riley at least, I'm not so thrilled)...........Daddy got a motorcycle! I'm so sure this is a brilliant idea, and all the thanks can go to Grandpa. This lovely specimen has been rusting under FIL's porch for the last 3 years and he decided he wanted it gone yesterday so now it is in my garage. So let's all welcome a gutted (or whatever you do to a bike) 1976 Suzuki to the family.

happy time!!!!

2007-04-24T22:32:00.000-05:00

I had to do some new pictures of Robby for a church thing for next month...here's the result. Except the sling one is from when he was in the hospital but I don't think I posted it yet.

This is just SO Riley

2007-04-24T12:54:00.000-05:00

She's the anti-clean lately. So far this week she has dumped out most of a bottle of Shout on the bathroom flour and yesterday she greased up the couch with brother's Aveeno lotion. I think we're onto a slippery theme.

Random Thoughts Wednesday

2007-04-18T16:42:00.000-05:00

*I wish we didn't have fingernails, because I cannot keep up with the cutting of them. Not mine, not the kids, and although I'm not taking the task of grooming Brian-his are always too long whenever I get a look at him.

*To the woman who is certainly the mother of two children and perhaps unfortunately the wife of one man who I had the pleasure of parking next to at Costco: I am sorry and I hope you DON'T know how he is talking to those kids and that you find out soon and put a stop to it. Your little boy and girl are lucky to have parents smart enough to keep them in good carseats although they are at least 5 years old, but they didn't do anything to deserve their father locking them out of the car and telling them they had to suffer for misbehaving him and would need to find their own ride home because they broke the rules.

*To the woman who was in line behind me at the Costco checkout: Thanks for helping unload my cart, but do I really look like I have my hands full? Really? I thought I was doing so well and I had myself fooled, but I guess not anyone else...that was my first shopping trip with two kids but I knew where they both were and nobody was crying so I don't think I really needed any help. How do the people with even more kid do it? I saw a woman walking on my street today with 4 kids under school age. She had three in a stroller and one walking and they were all clean and happy looking. Even the mom. What's the trick?

long time no update...

2007-04-13T11:29:00.000-05:00

Baby was born on March 25 @ 3:49pm. I did have a successful waterbirth at home and it was a lot of hard work. He is a boy!!! He weighed 11 pounds at birth.
The day after he was born, there was some concern that he was breathing very fast and we made a decision to take him in to the urgent care at Children's Mercy South to have him checked out. What should have been a quick overnight observation turned into a nightmare of blood tests, spinal taps, misdiagnoses, ambulance transports, IVs, and 4 different antibiotics and we were trapped in the hospital for 2 straight weeks.
I am working on writing his story but it will be a little longer before I process all of it. We were freed from the hospital on April 9.
There was never anything "wrong" with him. He is a huge healthy happy perfect baby. Nothing I did made him sick. He is not sick. Nothing that I did or did not do during my pregnancy and birth caused him to be admitted to the hospital or put his health at any risk.
His name is Robby.

Since we have been home, we have had some rough times adjusting but we are doing ok for now. The whole experience has been far from what I hoped for and now we have to figure out damage control, but now I'm just grateful that it is all over. For instance, we were separated from Riley for the entire two weeks, save for a couple short visits. Her entire routine is gone. She doesn't know when to go to bed, she's been eating all kinds of crap, and she is terrified to be apart from us now.
But she's doing pretty good, all things considered:

And Robby is wonderful. We are so blessed to have such an excellent family and that we are all healthy and able to be together.

Countdown

2007-03-23T22:52:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm an hour away from turning over the end of my 42nd week in this pregnancy. That's long enough. Let's not make it another week baby. Come on out now.

Need to take more pictures I guess, haven't done any since those last ones and at this point every day is really a milestone where most people only need to count in weeks. But I keep telling myself I won't see another week go by.......and then I do. I guess I'm not going to fulfill my dream that told me the baby's birthday would be a date that ended in the number 3. Unless it is April 3rd. And I really really really really really really do not want to cross over to another month.

I'm just getting irritable. It has been "baby, baby, baby, baby" for a month already now and there is no damn baby to show for it! I'm already getting sick of talking about baby stuff and I don't even have a baby. I was so thrilled and obsessed with the cute little clothes and diapers, now I don't even look at them anymore.

I busted and re-busted my ass over and over keeping the house to my dream standard of clean and now I physically am not able to keep up with it and it is getting all trashed and dirty. If I wanted the house to look as nice and neat as I wish it would, it would really take me several hours a day to maintain it because I am so slow-moving and R is so fast at un-cleaning whatever I just get done with.

Either that or she needs to go live somewhere else and then stuff would stay looking good. Seriously, she can't even sleep here if I'm going to get a break. I have to change her damn sheets EVERY. SINGLE. FRICKING. DAY!

She either pees on them or dumps a drink or gets all sweaty or drools. And I don't think it is unsanitary to say that if it was just sweat or drool, I could make sure it got dried out before her next sleeptime and she could at least sleep on it for two days before I had to change the whole bed again. But she is too picky and if there is the slightest bit of dampness anywhere when she wakes up, she'll loudly point it out to me and if I try to sneak her back into the bed without putting on fresh sheets and pillowcase, she won't go to sleep until I do. She'll stand there and yell "Ew, gross! Gross bed. MOMMY! Gross bed wet, yucky!" for apparently ever. I've tried to talk her down from it for half an hour and she will not let it go. Even if the bed is not at all wet when I put her in it, if it was wet that morning she will not lay in it until it is freshly made. Stuck-up little monkey. I'll sleep twice on a pillow I've drooled on, and I'm telling you...I am not a dirty person!

So I guess my rant-vent of today is about changing crib sheets. Wasn't expecting that one. And to top it off, I am so round that it is painful to try to lean over the side of the crib bar to get the sheets tucked in.

And we'll have to quit eating too. Doing dishes sucks. When I was a little kid, my mom quit doing dishes and we just had paper plates and plastic cups. I haven't been able to bring myself to that, and don't know if I ever will. I don't even take disposable stuff on picnics or in packed lunches. So now I feel sorry for myself because my conscience is preventing me from developing a higher level of laziness.

Fucking hell, can I please pop this kid out so I can not think about doing this stupid shit for at least a couple of days??????

Surprise! Still nothing.

2007-03-21T10:37:00.000-05:00

Just a little update. Still no baby yet. Went to an excellent new chiropractor yesterday who rocked my world and I really thought it would happen last night. Oh well, I'm not stressing over it, the odds are it has to be sometime soon. It isn't like I can get any less pregnant, so every day I'm automatically closer to having a baby.

Pictures:

Rolling Over

2007-03-17T12:04:00.000-05:00

That's what I feel like, a rusty old car whose odometer just rolled over.
41st week, no news.
One of the other moms probably had her baby last night/this morning. Her "due date" was supposed to be the 27th. I'll admit, I did get jealous and kind of upset to hear her talking about having contractions and getting ready to meet her baby. I've never been this patient in my life, and I'll do my best to stick to it but I am starting to get tired of waiting.
I'm (obviously) all for natural childbirth which includes natural labor without induction, but a little bit of me is getting fed up. I've been waiting for a really long time, and nothing is happening! All this build up and anticipation and then no reward!

On the totally superficial, my hair needs re-done again but I think I can't do the blue/purple like I have been because it usually bleeds and fades for about 8 washes after I do it and I really really do not want to let myself believe that I won't be having this baby for 8 more days.
And I don't want to bleed purple in the birth tub because we borrowed it from friends of ours and I'm the first one to borrow it and I would feel awful if I stained it or messed it up.

So, my options are just to re-blonde the whole thing and I'll have weird faded pinkish ends or come up with something else. I have some light blonde stuff sitting around here, or I could go out to the store and get just about anything today although Brian might not like it.

But at this point, anything to make me feel better and take my mind off the laziness that is my uterus. NO fucking contractions!! What the hell is going on (or rather, not going on) here????

I'm also considering putting in a call to my old chiropractor. I quit seeing her several months ago to switch to a clinic that was in-network to our insurance so we could try to take it easy on the finances.
But, she is Webster-certified (read: expert in dealing with pregnant women) and nobody at the clinic is. I'm wondering if a really excellent adjustment would help me out. My next appt. at the clinic is Tuesday and when they scheduled I never thought I would make it that far. Now I really don't want to go, so if I can see my old doctor and cancel that appointment I'll be happy.

Some other people have been talking about accupunture or massage with accupressure. I don't have any idea how much that costs or where you go for it. I've never had a real massage in my life (oh pity me!) and it sounds really damn excellent. Guess I should ask if I really want to know.

2007-03-16T12:01:00.000-05:00

Ok. I love this!

Keeping busy on a Wednesday night

2007-03-15T19:43:00.000-05:00

What we do while we're waiting for baby....

Go to Costco and try out the lawnmowers:

Walk around the new Bass Pro Shop and check out some scary fucking dead animal carcasses. I'm proud of her, she didn't want anything to do with the stiff wildlife. Here was as close as we could get her:

But the fish were ok, after she realized they could jump out and bite her like pet fish. Look at them!

And...here's our family picture at the fish aquarium waterfall. Holy shit, I look like I belong in an aquarium. At SeaWorld. Freeeee Willy!!!!

Picture picture picture (R cuteness)

2007-03-15T19:39:00.000-05:00

R got dressed up for playgroup yesterday because it has been such nice gorgeous weather out. What can I say, I breed well?

More baby stuff....still waiting

2007-03-13T08:42:00.000-05:00

Still waiting on baby, here's more pictures of the stash and setup.

My side of the bed, with the supplies including the handy blanket-holder. Oh wait, that's a bassinet? Well...maybe for naps.

Here's a closer picture of the diapering setup-

If cuteness could start labor, I'd already have baby by now thanks to little stuff like these:

Notice I put the phone in that last one to show just how freaking tiny it is.

And THIS is why baby isn't coming. I've said before that if you buy a special holiday outfit for a baby, they won't be born in time to wear it. Well we got this St. Patrick's Day sleeper as a gift, and I should have known....we'll see if little one really stays in there past Saturday.

2007-03-10T11:06:00.000-06:00

So, I wrote a little letter to the new baby this morning. It isn't all that mushy, more of a storyline of up until now. I've decided that I'm going to start writing letters to Riley every so often and saving them as a way to document what is going on at that point in her life, so I decided to start at the beginning with this baby. I just CAN'T get into that scrapbooking thing, even though I definitley have enough pictures, huh? So maybe between my picture habit and writing these notes to my kids, I'll eventually be able to put together memory books for them when they are older.
Without further blablabla, here's the baby's letter:

Well. This is it. Today is March 10, my estimated due date. So you are allegedly done cooking now, little baby. You can come on out whenever you want. I don't want to rush you, I'm happy to be carrying you with me. I know life will be drastically different when you join us, and soon enough I'll be fondly remembering how easy it was to keep you warm and safe while you were still inside of me. But although I am pretty patient and don't feel any rush or sense of urgency for you to be born, I'd really like to meet you! I'm so excited to have you in our family. I can't wait to find out who you are....what you look like....what your name is going to be....what your personality is like? Are you a boy like everyone thinks or will you surprise us all and be another little girl? Will you be independent and strong-willed like your big sister? Or will you be quiet and introverted and stay close to me?

These last 40 weeks that you have been growing inside me has been such a beautiful time in my life, and I am so happy that we are lucky enough to have you. This pregnancy has been a very different experience than my first, when I had Riley. I remember when I first found out I was going to have a baby. We were on a vacation to North Dakota to go see your daddy's dad, Grandpa Joe. It was the first week of July 2006. I had been talking with your daddy about whether or not we were ready to have another baby, and somehow I just had a feeling that you were already with me. I left the hotel after Daddy went to bed and drove to a store and bought some pregnancy tests. The next morning, I took one and it showed up positive. I was so excited! I was going to have a new little baby! I didn't know how or when to tell your dad. I wanted the news that you were coming to only be something special just for our family at first, so I decided to wait until we got home from vacation. I kept you a secret for almost 5 more days. I was nervous about telling Daddy because we had just started talking about what it would be like to have another child, and here right away we already had a baby coming. But he wanted to have a baby just like I did, and when I told him that I was pregnant, he was happy. He said that it would be good for Riley to be a big sister and have someone else to play with, and he knows how much I love babies and how excited I was to have you. The funny part of this story is that he actually had already found out I had gotten pregnant before I told him, but he was waiting to see what I said instead of telling me he knew. Because I'm so sentimental, I had saved the positive pregnancy tests that told me you were coming and hid them in the top of my closet, but he found them when he was unpacking after our vacation.

So we were going to have a baby! We decided to keep the news private for a little while still, just because we hadn't really told anyone else that we were thinking about having a new baby yet and it was so special that we could have such an incredible secret, something so wonderful that nobody else knew about.
Unfortunately, I started having 'morning sickness' pretty soon after we got home, which was a shock to me. When I was pregnant with Riley, I never felt very bad and I never threw up. Now that I had you, I felt sick almost all day every day. I would be trying to play with Riley or make dinner or do housework, and I'd have to go lay down because I got so nauseated. It was scary times for me because I really hate throwing up. I ended up only actually throwing up three times from morning sickness, but I spend a lot of time resting on the couch, thinking I would lose my lunch if I so much as moved an inch from where I was. I did a lot of deep breathing and relaxation and I wore some special wrist-bands that are sold to help with motion sickness. After a couple of months, I started feeling better and I was so relieved!

We had a scare a little bit more than a month after we knew I was pregnant. I was at church signing up to work at Old Settler's when I felt like I had peed in my pants! I went to the bathroom and found out I was bleeding. I was so scared, I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't want to lose you, I so wanted you to make it and join our family. I was with your aunt Jessica and Riley, and I told her to take us to the hospital. We went to the emergency room where I had to wait for a long time and I was very nervous and scared. Finally, I had been there for so long that Daddy got out of work and was able to come and be with me. A doctor came in and gave me an ultrasound and showed us where you were and how your heart was beating and that you were ok. The doctor said he didn't know why I was bleeding but the odds were good that you were going to stay alive and be fine and keep growing. I cried and cried because I felt so happy.

That night, Grammy (my mom) found out I had been in the hospital, so that was when we told her that we were going to have another baby. We told Daddy's mom on her birthday. I made a special t-shirt for Riley to wear that said: "I'm Going To Be The BIG Sister!" and Grandma was soo surprised and excited when we showed her.

The end of the summer was winding down, and I found myself restless and wondering what to do next. It seemed like forever until you would be here and I didn't want to wait. I didn't know what to do. I was impatient!
After the visit to the emergency room, I had started thinking that I really don't like to be in the hospital. I knew that women have their babies at home sometimes and they are usually able to have a much better birth experience because they are comfortable in their own environment and they get to decide what they want because they are in control of their own choices. In the hospital, there are so many nurses and doctors and they have a certain set of rules they have to follow so it is harder for a mommy to do just what is right for her. I started to think that maybe when it came time for you to be born, I'd like to stay home and not go to the hospital, if I didn't have any risks.
I started talking to Daddy about it, and at first he was unsure. He was worried about if it would be safe, and what if something went wrong, and really just because it was a new and unknown idea to him. I read lots of information and we kept talking, but he still wasn't sure. Some days I wasn't sure either, but I had strong feelings that having a homebirth would be right for me and you.
As weeks went by, we still hadn't made a decision, so I decided to start prenatal care dually at the hospital and with a midwife. I made appointments to go see Dr. Peck at the Olathe Medical Center, and he was a nice doctor, but talking with him just didn't feel right to me. It gave me comfort to know that if I had any complications, his expertise and experience was available. But I just felt like I didn't want to be around all those machines and rules when the time came for you to be born.

So we met Mountain. We knew Mountain from KCAP playgroups, and I liked her. I knew she was a midwife and that she was very laidback. Her personality seemed like the right fit for our family. Some midwives do homebirth but they still worry about a lot of the things that doctors do, and I could tell that Mountain was not a worrier and would not put any pressure on me. Mountain started coming to our house once a month to do prenatal checkups. She would check my bloodpressure, test my urine, and try to listen to your heartbeat. But you were ornery and would kick and roll around to get away from the fetoscope when she pressed on my belly. Also, your placenta was attached at the front of my womb and you were able to hide behind it. Mountain also made special tea for me to drink, which was a challenge because I don't like to try new things and I don't like to drink a lot of anything, but after some experimentation I was able to make the tea cold and drink it with other juices and lemonade.

So the months were going by and you were growing bigger and we were just waiting on you. I was still seeing Dr. Peck as well as Mountain because Daddy and I never made an official decision and I was still letting other people influence me into thinking that I might need to go to the hospital. But I knew I didn't need to go to the hospital. You were growing big and healthy, I felt fine and I wasn't having any problems. Finally the time came where the doctor wanted me to have another ultrasound, to check on your development. This is also the time where most people find out if their baby is a boy or a girl. But Daddy and I decided we didn't want to find out until you were born. The sonogram went fine and showed you were perfect.
After that I became even more committed to staying home and I became assertive about my ability to give birth in the way that felt right to me. So I told Daddy how important it was to me to have a homebirth and explained how much happier it would make me. He said it was ok with him for me to do whatever I felt was best, because I was the one doing all the work. So I told Dr. Peck that I wouldn't be coming to any more of his appointments because I was having a homebirth. NOW I was able to really relax and focus on more important things....like finding cute little newborn diapers for you!

One of the most important things that I've done throughout this pregnancy has been going to a chiropractor regularly. The chiropractors have helped me stay comfortable and relaxed as my body has expanded to make room for you as you have grown.

So now I have just been waiting and waiting and waiting. Whenever anyone asked me when I was due, I would tell them "sometime in March" or "the middle of March" because I didn't want to get too focused on one certain day. When I was waiting for Riley to be born, I knew her due date was supposed to be January 2, and I pinned all my hopes on her not being born until New Year's Eve. But she decided she was ready to come on December 29. So from that experience, I knew that babies come when they want to come. I also knew that babies are often born when there is a full moon, so I looked up when the full moon in March was going to be. It was March 3. Well, March 3 has come and gone, and I haven't felt any signs of labor or indication that you will be here soon.

So, today is March 10 and it is your due date. I joked with Daddy last night how funny it would be if you were born today, because I am usually late to everything and it would be ironic if you were born right "on time". I can't wait to meet you, I am very excited and anxious to see you. I feel like we are all ready, so you can come and join us any time you are ready. The weather is beautiful, and Daddy is prepared to take his vacation from work so he can stay home and get to know you. Even Riley is looking forward to meeting you. She'll pat my belly and say, "Come out, baby!" I know, I bet you think she is really loud...and you're right. But she is so loving and she really likes babies. Well, little baby, I am so happy to know that you are my little baby, and that sometime soon I will be able to hold you in my arms and look at your beautiful face instead of just feeling your pointy little feet poking me!
I love you little baby, and I will be meeting you soon. I cannot wait! Love, your Mommy.

I'm SMAAAART!

2007-03-10T02:16:00.000-06:00

If you didn't know this already, you don't know me. The result of reading books instead of having a social life:

Your Vocabulary Score: A+

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!

You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

Ok, one more

2007-03-08T11:40:00.000-06:00

Because R insisted on having her picture taken when I was messing with the diapers. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a sore throat, what do you think???

FINALLY some baby blogging

2007-03-08T11:22:00.000-06:00

So I'm finally getting my slow lazy butt around to picture-whoring some of the new baby stuff. This is not nearly all of it, but what I have at hand right this second. I need to get going, but maybe I'll be able to post more later when I have time, like some ittle-wittle clothes and more of the assorted diapers and the whole setup with the diaper storage and the bassinet and the blankets and everything.
Now, on to the most adorable diapers in the whole wide world!

Top row: XS Fuzzi Bunz, 7 of them. All are 'seconds' except the white one on the farthest left
Bottom Row: NEW S Fuzzi Bunz, the best!
Microfiber inserts on the left and fleecey inserts on the right

The sweetest little newborn diaper ever, Kissaluvs! Size 0's. 3 blue, 2 purple, 1 lime, 4 natural and a yellow and blue size 1 on the end. Size 1 will fit when baby is older, R wears size 2 right now.

Some misc. stuff here: 4 GMD infant snug-to-fits, a tie-dyed fitted, Lime Hawaiian Happy Heiny, pile of tie-dye prefolds, pile of new prefolds.

Some covers, from the top left: 2 ProRap NB and 1 ProRap S. 1 NB Cot'n Wrap and 1 Small LiteWrap. Those are all the white ones. To the right of the white ones are Bummis in size Small. The white is a SuperSnap, the print is SuperWhisperWrap and on the end is a Polar Bummi fleece.
Bottom row: Blue BeccaBottoms cover size small. Red BeccaBottoms cover size Newborn (can you believe how freaking tiny that thing is?? I don't think it will ever fit) Blue BabySoftWrap in size Small. Froggy Bummis SuperWhisperWrap in Newborn and a size Small BumGenius AIO on the end.

Well, that's all the pics I have for right now...and now that I see them, they aren't the greatest. But soon enough we'll have pictures of a teeny-tiny brand-new baby wearing all these cute little diapers and those pictures will be much better.

eBay Foolishness

2007-02-26T11:18:00.000-06:00

So I heard a little internet gossip that eBay is prohibiting the sale of used cloth diapers because it is not hygienic. I haven't found any official confirmation from eBay that explains this, but apparently they are counting it under their current rule of not allowing sales of previously worn underwear?
I believe that, unfortunately, it is probably true. I had bid on 3 different auctions of FB last week and they all got pulled and did not sell. I received emails saying that the item I bid on violated the eBay terms of service, but did not explain how.
Pretty damn ridiculous, almost all the diapers we have came from eBay over the last year. How are we going to be able to work around this? And I need to check out what this "no used underwear" rule is, because I just won and purchased used nursing bras a few weeks ago. Isn't that underwear, technically?
Bah.

Vroom

2007-02-24T12:50:00.000-06:00

Got to play around outside a little bit yesterday.

She looks kind of scary here----

Daycare Bullshit

2007-02-23T11:46:00.000-06:00

Just came across this latest little tidbit of news, check it out by reading this site:
The Lactivist Blog

I just practically don't even have words for how ridiculous that is. Charging extra fees to care for a breastfed infant? It is the height of lame excuses, that's for sure. Crazy bitch daycare lady.
And yeah, I know calling names and being nasty are not the marks of good lactivism, but I don't think anybody from Ohio is going to read my blog and I'm not feeling very wordy or intellectual right now to actually type out all the reasons why it is wrong and stupid, etc. etc.
Anyway, most of you are smart enough to already know the boob gospel as truth and are used to hearing this kind of fucked up story.

On a side note, I'm thinking that I might start utilizing one of the exclusive blogging sites, maybe blogger like what The Lactivist uses....
I feel like I am limiting my exposure by being only on Myspace, because a lot of people are anti-Myspace on principle and so they won't join and can't read me here. And since one of my blogging goals is to contain my picture whoring away from KCAP, I'd at least like to do it somewhere that KCAPer's will still look at my pictures.

Speaking of picture-whoring, let me see what I've got for you today. Not much new I think, but I'm sure I've got something.

Well, here's a few of the new baby's diapers. I LOVE these colors!

Here's R taking a picture of me taking a picture of her with her Barbie camera she got for V-Day.

A few from the car show last weekend. I really need to make time to sit down and edit all the pics from that. I totally did take over a hundred.
Here's a cool car:

Here's a couple of goofy guys, I think these poses are getting old but I love these two losers so I keep putting up with it.

And I took this for R, she didn't want to go with us, she went shopping with Grandma instead but I wish she could have been there to see this guy-

And finally, here is a true pimp ride, you all know you'll see me rolling like this someday-

Last little side note, I put my lip ring back in last night. I have no idea why I thought to try it. I had it out since before Christmas. It feels weird but I'm thinking I might leave it again now for awhile.

Update on Today

2007-02-19T03:02:00.000-06:00

So, here's what we've been up to lately. My sister had a baby shower for me on Saturday, I had a pretty good time. It got kind of out of control and we didn't get to play all the games we wanted to but I was still just happy to see everyone who came to see me. I got some wonderful gifts that make me feel so spoiled! Thank you to everyone!!! I get so excited to be washing up all the little tiny diapers and blankets and getting them ready.

Friday was my sister's birthday and we went out to dinner for it tonight at Ruby Tuesday. It was a really bad experience, we had awful service and Brian found hair in his food and I just thought the whole place was gross. Ugh.

My #1 homie, Blake, was in town this weekend and I'm glad I got to see him before the baby comes. He probably won't be back again for a few more months.

We went to the World of Wheels car show today and took Blake, Jez, and little cousin Wes with. I'll post some pictures from it later maybe. I had to take about 100. I figure if I took that many car pictures for Brian, I can bribe him with them to make him promise to take at least that many pictures of the birth.

R decided tonight that 'Uncle' Blakey is her favorite person and she is in love with him and was so sad to see him go. He's going back to OK in the morning, but I got some pictures to hold her over until next time he comes to town. They were a pair of goofballs.

Also, I heard that the new Bass Pro Shop is going to be opening this week (or maybe already has) and I am excited for that. It is so close to our house and I'm looking forward to going over there to walk around and look at badass boats and camping gear and all kinds of junk that I don't really need.

Be prepared to probably see pictures of all my obsessive baby preparation here in the next week or so. I am SOOOO enraptured with the widdle teeny diapers that I feel like I have to show them off I know, I'm a dorkus too. But I am just so thrilled to be getting closer to baby time and I don't have a cute little baby to brag over yet so I will just brag about all the stuff the baby will have.